My hands were all shaky,
my face had gone pale.
A letter from Santa
just arrived in the mail!
It was hand-written
in old-fashioned ink pen.
It was handsomely written
and dated twelve-ten.
"Dear Calvin" it said,
"I'm writing because,
this year I've repealed
my naughty-nice laws.
So now, I urge you
be vulgar and crude!
I like it when children
are boorish and rude!
Burp at the table!
Gargle your pease!
Never say 'thank you,'
'you're welcome' or 'please.'
Talk back to you mother!
Don't do as you're told!
Stick your tongue out
at your dad if he scolds!
Drive everyone crazy
I really don't care!
Act like a jerk,
anytime, anwhere!
I'm changing the rule!
The bad girls and boys
will be, from now on,
the ones who get toys!
Good little kids make
me sick, it's no joke.
Sincerely, signed Santa"...
... and then I awoke.
I hate being good
(or trying to fake it).
One day until Christmas,
I don't think I'll make it.
~ Courtesy of Bill Watterson, creator of "Calvin and Hobbes"
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